Repeating Something Over and Over Again to Manipulate Someone

in: Character, Etiquette

• May xv, 2020 • Last updated: May 29, 2021

What to Do When Someone Tells the Same Stories Over and Over

Nosotros all have that friend or relative who tells the same stories over and over. As shortly as he or she gets underway with the well-worn setup, y'all can see spouses exchange a "here we go again" glance, and people intentionally try to put on a face they hope disguises their disinterest and carries the appearance of listening to something for the first time.

Nosotros desire to be patient with people. Some folks retell stories considering their retentiveness isn't very proficient, or because the deck of life experiences they depict from to make conversation isn't very deep. At the aforementioned fourth dimension, however, listening to the same stories over and over can make gatherings and get-togethers rather tiresome.

So what should you do in this situation?

Since it'southward not the greatest hardship to listen to a story for the tenth time, and it seems like information technology would be rude to tell the speaker y'all've heard it before, nearly folks just grinning and bear it.

That's a fine class of action, especially if yous're interacting with an older person, whose heed isn't what it used to be and who could use some grace and perennially attentive listening.

Merely it's arguably not the best way to handle things in many cases, either for yourself as the listener, or for the speaker.

Even though we call up that letting people tell the same stories without correction is the "nice" matter to practise, in some ways, it's actually non so polite.

Though listeners effort their best to pretend it'southward the kickoff fourth dimension they've heard what is in fact a familiar story, nearly people aren't very good actors (some people beginning to look down at their phones because they know they're not); information technology's particularly hard to fake genuine, surprise-driven laughter. As a upshot, something invariably seems off to the speaker almost the reaction of his "audition"; he tin sense that his listeners don't seem as interested or amused by the story as he thought they'd exist. The speaker may thus feel confused and hurt, and wonder if he said something wrong, or is just a boring person.

At the same fourth dimension, almost people would want to know if they were telling a story they'd already shared before, which is something nearly everyone does on occasion, including yourself! It's a little mortifying to retrieve that there have assuredly been times when people were faking their reactions to your ain repeated anecdotes. Y'all probably would have preferred that someone stopped you.

You only wouldn't want them to do it in a rude style.

Fortunately, there's an arroyo to stopping a repeated story which minimizes the sting of "rejection."

Interrupting someone when they begin an anecdote you've already heard with "You've told this story before!" will tend to make the speaker feel chastised and embarrassed.

Instead, frame your interjection in a softer form — a question which shows you're already familiar with the story: "Was this the time when yous lost your lid?" "Was this the trip where you ran into Arnold Schwarzenegger?" The speaker will likely and then say something similar, "Oh, you've heard this story before!" Past getting them to say it, instead of y'all, the realization won't make them feel equally awkward.

Sometimes, even if you have heard someone'due south story before, you lot realize you lot've forgotten some of the details, and would similar to hear it again, in which case you may say, "I have heard this story, but I forget how information technology turns out. Tell united states again." A story that might take seemed tedious if the speaker had "forced" it on yous, will then seem more than interesting, since you asked for it. Both speaker and listener volition enjoy a greater sense of rapport.

If someone is a perennial story-reteller, it tin can assist to bring up their previously-told stories yourself at other times. "Well at least you didn't lose your chapeau this go round." "Would you say the experience was even better than coming together Arnold?" Hearing external affirmation of their stories will solidify in their memory the fact that they've already shared them with you. (Re-surfacing things people have previously told you is just a generally adept exercise; everyone likes to know that you truly listen and retain what they tell you!)

When you lot're the speaker, if you feel any tinge of uncertainty equally to whether or not you've shared a sure story before, it never hurts to ask before you begin: "Did I ever tell you about the fourth dimension I got into a fist fight with the postman?"

So too, which stories yous've shared with which sets of friends/relatives can get understandably confusing, so it can help to make a mental note after a social gathering like, "Okay, I've shared my story most the ferocious koala behave with the Smith's."

Everyone re-tells stories from time to time, and if as a listener y'all similar repeated tales, by all means savor them on each and every go round. But if you feel like information technology might exist best for all involved to cease a narrative train before information technology leaves the station, know that there'southward a way to offering some polite redirection.

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Source: https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/etiquette/what-to-do-when-someone-tells-the-same-stories-over-and-over/

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